Have you ever trusted someone so completely that you thought you could put your life in this person’s hands and never worry? I am sure right now you are getting images of spouses, parents, or siblings. But I am not talking about a relative, even though I now am married to a woman who not only do I entrust my life to, but she is a spiritual guide too. I am sure all of you have this kind of relationship with a relative close to you. But I am not talking about that. I mean a friend who becomes more than a friend, he or she becomes your rock.
In my addicted years I did not get that close to many people, including spouses or family. I deliberately kept them at arm’s length. But there was one guy who became a friend that I knew I could turn to no matter what.
For this blog I will call him William. William and I met while he was working for me on a project in Provo, Utah. It was a policy of mine to never become buddies with any one on a crew I was running. Yeah, we could go to the bar and sit around shooting the breeze, but that was always the limit. Hanging out together and sharing real life was not a good thing, as far as I was concerned. But for some reason with William it was different.
From the first day we hit it off. I found that I was spending a lot of time with him on and off the job. He was smart and funny. I learned I could trust him.
Soon he was running the day to day stuff and it freed me up to do what I needed to do as a superintendent. After work we would hang out in the bar or at his house in Salt Lake City, we became closer than brothers.
As the years went by we worked on jobs sometimes for the same company sometimes not, but we would talk as often as we could. Somewhere in one of those conversations we decided to start our own company. And like the drunken, drugged-up fools we were we did it. Bringing on two other partners we formed a concrete reinforcing company and went about trying to get work.
Sure enough, the work came. We picked up some high schools and even a college job. But with tight money and little business know how, within a year or so we were in deep trouble. But even through this William and I stayed solid. Protecting each other’s back, we survived the dissolution of the company and moved on.
During all these times alcohol and drugs were a big part of our relationship. On the job or off we were either stoned or high. And I think that is how we avoided any tensions. And the truth is it was not until we both got a job offer in Los Angeles that real cracks showed in our relationship.
Once in LA we roomed together in hotels. From a dive in Hollywood, shared by hookers and drug dealers to a nice Holiday Inn in Glendale, California we shared living space. This began the tension. And then the serious problems set in. It was all about speed, the drug we used to call Crank.
While we were in Utah William did not get into speed and stuck mainly to pot. But once in the LA scene he couldn’t seem to get enough. Fights and paranoia set in and soon we were at each other’s throats. And the man I once would have trusted with my life, now became an enemy.
Trust was always an issue for me. Even before I was a full-blown addict, I struggled with trust. But after this thing with William, I found I no longer could trust anyone, I always was looking for the deceit that was sure to happen. You know, I lived like that until I began a relationship with Jesus Christ. And even then, at first that was a big-time struggle for me.
As I absorbed the Word of God, I wanted to believe and trust but my past, all the failed relationships and especially William kept coming back. Satan is good at that, he loves to keep each of us living in the past. But the Holy Spirit is so much stronger and smarter too. He kept bringing me back to the book of Joshua in the Old Testament. If you haven’t read this book before or haven’t read it in a while put it on your reading list and in it, you will find some awesome promises. Here is one, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9). Then I would be led to the smartest book in the Bible, the book of Proverbs, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6) As these promises and so many others were fulfilled in my life. Little by little my trust in God grew. I came to believe Jesus when He said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God, believe in me also.” (John 14:1) And I did.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, I am now married to a woman who I trust my life and heart to. But that would have never happened it I had not been blessed to be shown there is a God I can trust beyond all human understanding. I have not talked to William in years, but I pray he has found the peace God wants for him also. If you are struggling with the idea that there is no one you can trust today, this is my wish for you and me too, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13) All I can say to that is, Amen!
Blessings, John
7/30/18
