There is a rock band known as, the Who. They were an early part of the so-called British Invasion, a time when so many bands of young kids were coming over from England to spread what would be the music of my generation. One of the Who’s top ten hits was, “Who are you?” The actual lyrics to this song are very forgettable, but it became my theme song in the early 80’s. Not because of its deep meaning but as my first marriage fell apart and my life turned ever more toward addictions, some mornings I would look in the mirror and the song’s repetitious chorus would run through my mind, “Tell me, who are you….”
There were many mornings like this but as I sat praying for inspiration this morning, as the Holy Spirit does so often, He brought that song and one morning to mind. Here is the story.
As I drug myself out of bed it was near 11:00 am. Seeing I had worked a swing shift the night before that was not an unusual time for me to roll out of bed but this morning I woke up in a fog. Again, not that unusual because after my shift I had first stopped at the bar to down four or five boilermakers (shot of whiskey with a beer chaser) and while there was invited to an after-hours party at an Ironworker’s house near the job and the bar. How I drove the almost 30 miles from there to my apartment was a blur, not that unusual either. The thing that was unusual was that this was my visitation Saturday with my son and I was in no condition to spend time with him.
After I had showered and was attempting to shave with an unsteady hand, the song began to resound, “Who are you…who…who…who…who, tell me who are you…” And as I looked in the mirror I had no answer. Was I a father? Was I becoming a failure? Was I the guy who ran a crew with efficiency and was respected by those who worked for me and with me. Or was I the guy last night so out of control that others no longer wanted to be around me. “Who are you…who…who…tell me who are you…? The problem was I did not know, and it did not matter I had to get it together and get to my ‘ex’s’ house now.
My mind was still distracted as I hopped into my Chrysler Cordoba. Looking at the way I had parked it, I knew I had been very drunk when I had gotten home. And right now, the car did not smell of ‘rich Corinthian leather’ but like a week old, overfilled ash tray and spilled booze. Great, that should impress my boy.
As I drove along the song was still running through my mind, more tormenting then enjoyable and I guess I was distracted. A block away from my old home now my ex-wife’s, I came to a four way stop, not paying attention I raced through and felt a crashing jolt! It woke me from my daydream. Looking to my left I saw a small red car was now tangled in my front bumper and a young man was sitting in his driver’s seat looking terrified. The song played on, “Who are you…who…who…who…who…”
As I sit here this morning 36 years later, the disjointed pain and lost feeling I had at the moment of that accident still resounds. I have been lost many times in the years to follow but I see this as the seminal moment or the place where if I had faith in something other than myself the remaining years would have been so different. But the fact is I had none. I was alone or, so I thought. And I really never knew for three decades who I was until I came to know and believe a startling fact, I am, you are a child of God.
Maybe some of you who are reading this are struggling with your identity, with who you have been told you are by a world that wants to label you. Or maybe you just feel lost in the fast paced, in your face world we live in. I can only tell you I have been there and if you are willing to seek him, there is a God who can assure you of your identity; but don’t take my word for it here is what He says in His Word through the psalmist!
“You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depth of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book was written every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them (Psalm 139: 13-16)
When I could believe these words. That God knew me before I was even conceived, it started to give me a true identity, but it wasn’t just that He made me, but that I was special to Him, so much so that He gave His Son to save me.
“God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so everyone who believes in him may not die but have life eternal. For God did not send his Son into the world to be its judge but to be its savior. (John 3: 16-17)
Today none of us need to wonder who we are. In faith we can believe He who made us has died to save us. We are His. Today I look in the mirror and see a saved man, a Christ-ian. Thank you, Lord.
Thirty-six years ago, the shame and complete lostness engulfed me after that accident. My ex seeing the car and hearing the story of the accident would not allow me to visit that day and strived to keep me from seeing my son regularly. I no longer heard the song asking who I was, I knew, I was a loser and went on to live like one. Only the grace of God and absorbing His Word has changed that. I pray that this is the day you can see your identity is not who you think you are but who God knows you are. When that song rattles around in my brain now, I have an answer. “Who am I?” I am a child of the living God and so are you.
Blessings John,
9/19/18
