I knew I had to make this connection. If I did not get the money, I needed there would be,someone to pay and he was not going to offer an easy installment plan. Lookingat my watch I knew that Jerry was supposed to meet me at 7:00 and it was now7:15 and there were no signs of him. “Where was this guy?” I mumbled tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.
This thing had been set up for over a week, my guy had fronted me two keys of speed and if I turned this over the profit would cover my debts to him and maybe leave me enough for my own nose. I mean, Jerry was always a sure thing. We had been doing business for close to a year and I could not believe he would stiff me now. But as the minutes ticked away, my future seemed to be ticking away with each passing second. I now started to plan my escape.
I could call Jet up and explain the deal went wrong. That would be the easiest way, right?Just tell him, “The guy didn’t show.” Turn the stuff back over to him and claim, “No harm, no foul!” The only problem with this wasthat I would still owe him, and he would definitely think that it was harmful to his welfare and thus deadly to mine. There had to be another way!
As I sat thinking I noticed two cars slowly heading into the deserted parking lot. Could it be Jerry? Naww, he always comes alone. But as the cars continued to drive in my direction, I had to believe I was being set up. Starting the truck, I left my lights off and made a slow U turn to back track where I had come from. I would have to keep my foot off the brakes or else the lights would give me away.
Making itout of the lot I decided to hide in plain site and pulled into a driveway parking my truck next to a compact car already there. Motor off, I folded myself into the seat low enough to be below the headrest. My mind raced. Hadthey seen me leave the parking lot? Who were they? Was Jerry planning a take down?Or had Jet set the whole thing up? The more I thought about it the more it seemed likely. Jerry had always been a nickel and dime guy, so where did he get the resources for this buy. But why? None of it made sense.
I could not tell how long I had sat in that driveway, but no cars or trucks had passed and now I was beginning to doubt myself. Paranoia was setting in. Just as I was about to sit up and start the truck, I could see headlights coming from the direction of the parking lot. Dropping I waited. I could hear the vehicles move toward then I heard them pass.
Looking at my watch I knew at least an hour had gone by. Starting the truck, I was not sure which way to go. Finally, I knew it made no difference, I had to get these keys back to Jet and know from this time on I would be on the run. One thingwas for sure drug dealers, like mine, were relentless in their vengeance. And for some reason, I did not know, I was the object of his.
Relentlessly vengeful. Back then as I sunk deeper into the world of drugs and dealers, I began to see all aspects of life to hold that quality including God, if He really existed. Here I was in this sewer that we call Earth and I would have Christians trying to convince me that there was a God that loves and wants me to be free of the chains. I would laugh and sometime swear. They did not know the real world, if they did, if they saw the filth I saw maybe then they would wonder like I did, why does he allow it to go on. A loving God, what a joke. To me He was as bad as any drug dealer I knew. He was relentless, and he was vengeful, period, end of statement.
Ok, so move forward about 37 years and I sit here writing a Christian blog. How could that happen? Iguess it is simple. Through the Holy Spirit and God’s grace I have found the truth. God is relentless. No not in vengeance. Not in pain. He is relentless in His love for you and for me.
Have you ever heard the Laura Story song, “You Gave Your Life”? Here is the lyrics that capture some of what I know now about God, in Jesus Christ:
I was found
As a beggar, as an orphan with no home
No family
I was found
With a stain as deep as darkness fills the night
But the wonder does not lie in the depression of my state
But that You found me at all is simply grace upon grace
You gave Your life for me
This man dreams oh to see
How far, how wide
How deep, how high
Is the relentless love of God
The truth is,there is evil in this world and there is a portrayer of it. This is not God, itis Satan. The God I have come to know, has made me aware that He was with me in the darkness of my life. He was relentless in His pursuit of my salvation and a truth I can never deny is:
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)
His love is that relentless, that complete. You will find it like I did in His Word, and it will transform you.
I made it through that night long ago. But I was soon to know the relentless vengeance of a drug dealer. Yes, I had been set up. As I sought to make peace and recompense, I found someone, maybe Jerry had been spreading rumors of my duplicity and wrong doing,most of which were untrue. But Jet believed and from that moment I was on the run. I have written how we later met in a similar parking lot where I escaped with my life, fleeing to California and entering into one of my blackest times. Through God’s grace I survived and today I know His relentless love. He saved a wretch like me. He is pursuing you right now, take a quiet moment to listen.
Blessings John,
12/17/18
