Have you ever had best intentions to do something, made your commitment to it the day before and then in reality none of it comes out as you planned? That is the cycle that we now live in. In my last blog I described coming home after a month just to find that home is in crisis and if I did not spend most of my waking hours trying to solve the problems by physically working on them for hours, discussing them with household members and outside people who would help solve the issues the crisis would extend beyond what would be livable for all.
Since then, that is exactly what has happened. Every day has been absorbed with hard physical labor and the times when that is not happening either talking about the problems or sleeping. A lot has been accomplished. But just as it seems the end is in sight where RuthAnn and I can get back in some form of life where we have free time to pursue ministry and relaxation, new issues arise that take the place of the last crisis. It is a vicious circle, and I am finding that it can be a spiritual trap.
You see, as an addict I was functional. In otherwards able not only to hold down a job but excel at it. Physical work was an addiction also. In my life as an Ironworker, I excelled at the job. So much so employers were willing to overlook my drunkenness and excess with drugs. But the terrible reality of this was that every other aspect of my life suffered to accomplish this. My personal life was a disaster. Broken marriages abandoned children and more destruction in my wake then I can describe in one blog.
In 2010 in sobriety, I found a freedom from the actual addictions. No more booze, no more drugs. Thank you, Lord! But even as I drew closer to God by knowing who my Savior was, every day I worked, and that work was still the center of my existence. Even after I was baptized in 2012 and involved in several ministries, I found I could not surrender myself completely as long as my job absorbed me as it demanded.
So, in 2016 the Lord led me into several different life changing decisions. One was a beautiful new partnership with RuthAnn. But also, the idea that I needed to retire and dedicate my time to serving the Lord in any way the Holy Spirit led. Much came from that decision. Time to write this blog. Time to write an autobiography. Time to work in a ministry that has help change my life, Celebrating Life in Recovery. In the last year working closely with Cheri Peters the founder of True Step Ministries. It has been an answer to my prayers on how I can best serve God!
I give you all this background because in the last months I have given all of this away because we have moved from Georgia to Texas and from a comfortable house to a home that can only be described as a fixer upper. Now once again I have something that wants to absorb all my time and eat away at my relationship with God.
So, we come back to this morning. Yesterday I finished the project that absolutely needed to get done, demoing the carport behind our house so a contractor can come in and start an extremely necessary addition. I felt a great deal of accomplishment yesterday when it was finally finished. I had actually dreamed of the day, when I could stand in that empty space and feel the freedom knowing it was done! But this morning even though there were no longer the physical demands of getting out in the Texas heat and demolishing, now came all the questions about plans for the addition. Once again filling my head with work and not feeling like I had room for God. So, what is the solution? How do I find peace and space needed to connect with and seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit? Once again the answer as it always is comes from opening and absorbing the Word of God. Breaking the cycle, NO MATTER WHAT!
That is what I did before I started to write this. I prayed for clarity. I prayed for peace and mostly I prayed to be shown the words I needed to make the re-commitment to spend time in my relationship with Jesus. I want to share the verses that were shown to me:
“Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.” James 4:8
This verse has helped me to see if I am trying to divide my time (unequally with God on the short end) I cannot help but be lost in turmoil. Yes, I have to have time to solve worldly problems, but I also have to turn that off and be in His presence!
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
The thing I forget the most! God is in control! He is the one who knows the beginning from the end. He is the one if I get up each morning and even before I take my first breath say, “Lord, I surrender all to you today!” It will be a different day!
“ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Finally, the other thing I leave out of my day. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer! And not just hopeless prayer but prayer remembering all I have to rejoice about. My life even in temporary turmoil is blessed beyond all reason. I just need to take a breath and recognize it!
So, I start again. I will re-commit to put God first. I will surrender my life and even my crisis over to Him who already has the solutions (even if all of them are not what I am expecting). And I will pray today, remembering that my blessed life is a gift of grace. My prayer for you is that if any of these thoughts hit home as the life you are living now is the time to stop and know God has this! He is in charge! Just breathe!
Blessings
John
7/19/2021
