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“I cannot lose!” That was what I mumbled to myself as I headed to cash in my tickets. We had just placed a winning ‘wheel’ bet on one of the dogs in the third race. This along with completing a trifecta was worth $3500.00. Even split two ways between my partner and myself not a bad return for a $400.00 outlay.

I was anxious standing in line at the pay-out window, maybe we should try to wheel the next race too. Luck was with me, there was no doubt. If we won that, I knew where there was a plane waiting to take us to Reno, Nevada. I could hear the craps tables calling me.

For now, I was at the Multnomah Kennel Club, in Portland, Oregon. As dog tracks go, it was better than some and worse than others. The dogs did not seem to be as doped up as at the Apache Greyhound Park in Phoenix, Arizona. The last dog track where I had lived close enough to be a regular. At least here I could pick winners more than 50% of the time. And today I could not lose, I chuckled to myself as I approached the window.

I knew the guy sitting in the pay-out booth. His name was Larry, he and I had met while drinking in one of the bars near the track. As he scanned my tickets his eyes brightened a bit, pushing his cigar to one side of his mouth said, “You got it going today, hey John!” I shrugged with all the false modesty I could muster, “Yeah, just another day in paradise for me, Larry.” With that he counted out the crisp hundred-dollar bills, all 35 of them. He also handed me an IRS slip and said, “Don’t forget to claim this on your taxes, buddy, Uncle Sam wants a piece of the pie too.” He laughed and I shrugged again thinking, they might want it but aren’t going to get it. Big talk for a big man. After all, I could not lose!

Finding my partner, we decided to go for it again and placed a wheel bet on the number 4 dog. All he had to do was win and any other dogs could place and show, it would mean another cool $1500.00. Standing by the rail close to the finish line I waited, knowing we would be taking home a couple grand a piece today. I could pay off some of my drug debt and have enough left to maybe take that trip to Reno. This was my lucky day.

As sure as rain the 4 dog trounced the field. His odds had been longer than we expected so the pay out was closer to $2000.00. When I collected at Larry’s window, he just shook his head and whispered, “Take it and run, buddy! I have seen too many not know when to get out.” I agreed we really needed to head north and with a wink said, “Right on, my friend, we are taking this show over to Reno, today is the day I cannot lose!” Larry’s eyes drew into slits and he whispered, “You wouldn’t want to bet on that would you?”

Of all my addictions gambling was probably the most like living on a roller coaster. For me it was never about the money. It was always all about the power. Days like the one I am describing here came along so seldom that I can count them on three fingers. Yet once I experienced it, like that first high I had on meth or cocaine, I chased that feeling for the rest of my days as an addict.

The thing about gambling, like all addictions, Satan whispers to each of us about its innocent pleasures. In years where I lived close to race tracks or near casinos, I would see spending time there as, ‘just a way to relax and let off steam”. But I would find myself yearning to go more and more often, again seeking that rush of ‘winning’. The problem about gambling for me was that it fed my other addictions. I needed meth to keep me up for hours on end. I needed booze to keep me even not letting the speed get me to high. I needed cigarettes to calm my nerves and keep me focused. When I was gambling, I was the whole addicted package and nothing and nobody else mattered.

I have people tell me all the time about the innocence of gambling. I can never agree with them. Most of them say, “We are not like you were. We are not out of control.” I answer in this way, “That is exactly right you are not out of control, you are very much under control.” Because anything that separates me from my walk with God seeks to control and divert me. The apostle John says it this way, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.” (1 John 2:16) And Jesus said this, “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money,” (Matthew 6:24) You can replace the word ‘money’ with anything that controls. Today and every day, I choose to serve the one master who promises me the eternal high, no more roller coasters for me.

I probably don’t have to tell you but by the end of that day I had lost everything I had won and was down probably another thousand bucks. We did make our way to Reno and I proceeded to continue to win at the craps table until, as it always did, the dice and my impatience did me in. Drugged, drunk and completely exhausted, I arrived home already making plans to recoup my losses and build a new fortune. It never happened. I never had another day like that, but I chased it every time I gambled. I won’t speak of the wasted money that now could be being put to use in God’s work. I will just suffice to say; I am blessed that I no longer chase that elusive golden carrot that Satan dangles. I now am happy to fill my days with His Word and be led by the Holy Spirit. Today is a day when I cannot lose! It is a sure thing!

Blessings
John
5/6/19

I’ll never make it!” I thought as I was crossing the terminal at a dead run. The flight left in 15 minutes and there was still about half the airport to cross. My connecting flight had arrived a half hour late and now I was in a panic. “What would I do if I didn’t get on that plane?” All the horrors of rearranging everything came into my mind. I had to be at this meeting, my company was already on the verge of collapse and without this project, I would be bankrupt.

The last year had been a nightmare. Things had started out well enough. Three new job starts and a comfortable amount of money in the bank. But as the year progressed, delays and the inability to collect my monthly payments from contractors had brought the company to a place where I was borrowing just to meet payroll.

The only light that had occurred was the news that a new airport expansion was planned and if I could get the concrete reinforcing contract, maybe the bank would agree to extend the loans I needed to make through the year and still be in business. But everything depended on getting to this meeting to lay my proposal before the general contractor. My life was hanging on my ability to get across the airport in less than 15 minutes.

Have you been there? A moment in your life when you feel that everything you are rests on the results of one event. I’ll bet there are few of you who haven’t been through this at least once

When I look back on my life BC, that is, “Before Christ”, I find that it was one of those moments after another. Businesses that depended on that one thing for salvation. Attending the one event that was so essential missing it could mean the end of life as I knew it. Or even meeting the “right” person that would change my life. I was always looking around the corner trying to find the ultimate answer to my conundrums. But you know what, it never happened.

That is until I met the risen Savior. Jesus changed how I saw my life. Am I going to tell you now that I never have moments, events or people who affect my life good or even bad ways, what we call stress? No, but I do not build them into those life and death moments. Because I realize that He already had the true death and life moment at the cross. When I am open to that it allows me to see them in a better perspective.

I am equipped differently as a follower of Jesus than I was. I have a book that allows me to find that perspective. Verses like this, “When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord, He brought me to a spacious place. The Lord is with me, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” (Psalm 118:5-6) And also in the words of Jesus, “Come to me, all of you weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) Is that moment I am living in so earth shattering? Or is it something, when I perceive it in the light of the cross, is just a moment that passes and God’s will is done? In Jesus, I know I can survive it.

But what is even better than that is survival of that moment is not the end no matter what. Because the story of Jesus did not end on the cross. He rose from that grave and in that has promised we could have life beyond this stressful planet. If our hope is in that, then those big moments start to seem pretty small.

Here is a promise conveyed through John the evangelist, “I write things to those who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John:13-14) We are promised not only life everlasting but in Jesus we can ask for help in those moments of stress and He will be there.

I made it aboard that flight so long ago and was at the meeting that was meant to change my life. I went away a disappointed man. My company was not awarded the project and within another year it failed. Many more stressful days would come and I had little hope of a better day.

Today, stressful moments still come and most of the time I turned them over in prayer knowing that I have hope no matter what. And even when I slip back into worry, I know a book I can turn to and it never fails. My prayer today, is that you can do the same.

Blessings John

5/a/19

You’re going to have to serve somebody. It may be the devil or it may be the Lord but you’re going to have to serve somebody.” – Bob Dylan

“How much is this going to cost me?” I asked. It was around 4:00 PM Sunday and I was sitting across the table from my drug dealer. We had been there since I had gotten off swing shift, maybe 2:00 AM Saturday morning. The meth on the mirror between us was about gone and so was the half-gallon of Black Velvet whiskey. He didn’t look at me and just casually said, “Two Large.” I knew I was into him for quite a bit but that shocked me out of my haze. I looked at him and now he was staring at me with cold eyes, smiling. I tried to add up the parties of the last month and they all blurred together. Two thousand dollars, I didn’t have two thousand dollars! I said, “How much time do I have.” He smiled broader, “None, it’s pay day, brother!” I knew what was coming, he had been trying to get me to deal on the job site for him but I had refused. Now I was had. No choices left I begged him and he agreed I could work off my debt. You’re going to have to serve somebody!

From that moment, I became a drug dealer. The shock wore off soon enough. Before I knew it, I was ready to sell even to grade school kids, my son’s age. Yeah, once the choice is made, Satan becomes your master and nothing is out-of-bounds. And I wish I could say I had a revelation back then but I did not. I served him willingly. For over ten years I dealt leading people to destroyed lives. My best friend at that time, I introduced him to meth and became his dealer. He was a good guy with a nice family. Within two years he was divorced and pretty much living on the streets. I served Satan well.

I know a lot of people today think Satan is not real. Just another myth. But I am here to tell you he is real and if you are not serving the living God, you are serving him.

When I was first coming to belief in Jesus, I was given a book to read called “The Great Controversy”, I started to read it but I couldn’t believe what I was reading so I put it away. I picked it up again three years ago and this time my mind was ready, I know that I saw the world, it’s history and its future as it is for the first time. There is too much to write here on a blog page. But the book clearly describes the battle between God and Satan for our very being. It is available online. Take a look, it is pretty amazing.

But you do not need any other book than the Word of God to know the truth, look at what Jesus said in the Gospel of John, “You are of your father the devil, and you will do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8: 44). Pretty powerful stuff! Jesus tells the Pharisees that they are OF the devil. He is stating it clearly, if you are serving Satan you will end up being like him. When I agreed to deal drugs. I would lie, cheat and steal. I was serving the father of lying, cheating and stealing.

But, you know, there is another choice and that is to serve the living God. And in this choice there is no deception or lies. Just the act called repentance. The word repent has been given a bad rap when it simply means to turn away. When we turn away from Satan’s lies we turn to Him that is waiting for us to do just that. The book of Isaiah tells us, “Turn to me and be saved, all the ends of the earth! For I am God; there is no other.” (Isaiah 45: 22). When I did choose God, I found I could no longer do the things that came so natural and were so destructive. But there was more.

I repented and wanted to believe but Satan did not let go that easily. I struggled for 3 years. Could I really believe, could I trust God? Finally, it came down to Jesus. His words they became so powerful and clear, “Let your hearts be not troubled, trust in God and trust in me.” (John 14: 1) But the thing is He didn’t just say the words, he walked the walk. He went to the cross. He did what He said He would do! And He continues to do so right now as our advocate in the heavenly sanctuary. No lying here just plain truth. In the end trusting Him was a no brainer.

So, my friends, like me the choice is yours, you can serve Him who says: “I am the way, the truth and the life…” or you can serve the: “Liar and the father of lies.” But one thing is for sure Dylan had it right: “You’re going to have to serve somebody.”

Blessings John

4/29/2019

I was out of breath. It could be the thin air of Denver, Colorado or it could be that I smoked at least a pack of cigarettes a day. But either way I was gasping to stay in the game and was not succeeding.

It was a regular pick-up game on the courts near my house, not far from where Denver’s airport is now. Basketball was my game 10 years ago, in high school, but now I was in a game where most of the players were the age I was back then, and I was the ‘old man’ and this day I was resembling that remark. Slow and breathing hard, I could not keep up with the kid I was guarding.

I called for a break and the kids all chuckled, “Yeah, let’s let the old man take a break, he looks like he is ready to croak.” I shook my head and gave them a dismissing wave. But they were right. How did I go from playing ball for hours at a time to not being able to play for a half hour? As I sat down near my car, opening the cooler that held a six-pack of Coors beer, I knew the answer. Popping the top on the beer, it was too many of these and way too many cigarettes. But what the heck, I wasn’t a kid anymore. I had nothing to prove. At least I could still play with these young punks, I thought.

As I sat there one of the kids came over and sat next to me. He was eyeing the beer and I had an idea that he wanted to ask for one. The law in Colorado at the time allowed drinking of 3/2 beer at the age of 18 but I was pretty sure this kid was 16 maybe 17. I didn’t say or do anything. I just sipped on my beer and waited. He didn’t ask for a beer but seemed intent on something else. What did he want? I wasn’t in the mood for a heart to heart talk. Soon he spoke.

“You used to play back in high school, didn’t you? Most of the guys think your still pretty good for an old guy.” All of 26 and I was already the ‘old guy’ life wasn’t fair. I nodded my head but said nothing. He continued, “Did you ever play college ball? I have had a few scouts from some local schools UCD, and others come to scout me out. But I don’t know if I want to do an athletic scholarship. I am planning to go to a theological college in Kansas.” With that he was quiet, I guess waiting for me to make a comment, so I did. “No, I never played ball in college. I was a pretty good high school player, but I knew I didn’t have what it took to play at that level. But you, yeah, I think you have the goods. Why not put that theology stuff on the back burner or go to a college that has both ball and the studies you want?”

He looked away, with a serious expression. Then he turned to face me and said, “No, my dad and mom really have their heart set on me being a minister, like my dad. They are afraid if I go to a big school, I will get all involved in college life and forget about God.” Wow, I thought, an awful lot to lay on a kid! Being a Catholic dropout, I thought I was not the right guy to give this boy advice, but I said anyway, “Do you really want to be a minister? Maybe a few years in college will clear it all up for you. You seem kinda young to be committing your life to something you’re not sure about.” He nodded but then was distracted by the other kids wanting to get back at it. I guzzled my beer and wearily headed back to the court; glad I didn’t have to face the stuff this youngster did.

Decisions. Everyone of us from the time we come of age have had to make decisions that would affect our lives for years to come. I made many in my teens and early twenties from which

I am still feeling the repercussions. My problem, as I have stated here many times, was that I did not have a relationship with God the Father. I did not know the saving power of Jesus Christ and I could not rely on the guiding light of the Holy Spirit. I made these major decisions alone with my limited years of experience and lack of knowledge of the world we live in. And I can tell you that as I fell into that pattern, I made one mistake after another. And as I did that, I became more and more lost in a world of hopeless anguish. And, of course, hurt many people a long the way.

Today I am writing to those who probably never read this blog. I want to tell our youth that this is the day, if they do not already have it, to seek a relationship with Jesus Christ. But if a young one reads this or not it is our job, as those who have experienced life and know what Jesus can do, to encourage our youth. And maybe today share with a youngster you know one or two of these Bible promises:

When they are unsure of their future: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

When they are afraid and feeling depressed: “So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

When they are working for the Lord and feel discouraged: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

When they just feel this world is an overwhelming place: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13)

There are so many more that we can encourage with. And yes, they are meant for us too, but so needed by our forgotten youth. Today could be the day one of them you know is trying to make a life decision, do not let them do it alone. Open the door of the Holy Spirit for them, it could mean life or death!

I certainly did not do that for the youth back years ago. We played ball together several times after that but never really talked again. I pray he made a decision guided by the Holy Spirit. I feel so sad for all the young I have failed to lead to the Word, including my own son. But it is a new day and there is hope, may we share Jesus with one of his children today!

Blessings
John
4/24/19

My father was dying. The call from my brother left no doubt of that. As I sat contemplating it, I could not truly say how I felt about it. It was true over the last few years we had grown closer. Before cancer had taken most of the life out of him, we had talked on the phone every few weeks. You know, just regular conversations. Mainly about construction work and what projects I was working on. Dad always wanted to hear about the rough and tumble stuff. But also, because we were living in Salt Lake City, Utah at the time and doing genealogical research on my wife’s family, I had asked him to send me some basic info about our family so I could look into it. The results had fascinated him. I guess you could say we were becoming father and son again. It had not always been that way.

After my mother passed away in 1973, Dad had gone to pieces. For him that looked like months of drinking to a point of suicidal thoughts and actions. Many a night I would receive a call I dreaded, my father slurring threatening words about the gun he had in his hand. I would drive the 10 miles of back roads to his cabin out past National Mine, Michigan just to find him passed out in his chair. Gun laying in his lap. I did everything to get that gun from him. But it was almost like he had a sixth sense. Whenever I would reach for it, he would awaken. No wrestling the gun away from my 270-pound father. It could not go on and it didn’t.

One day he announced a trip to Chicago. This meant leaving the restaurant for a short period in my care. We owned a family restaurant at the time in Ishpeming, Michigan. I figured I could handle working construction during the day and taking care of opening and closing the place for a short while, we had good people working for us. But the short trip lasted months and for a kid like myself, not even 20 years old, things were getting stressful. Then my world changed again. My dad was getting married, and to someone we all knew, my sister’s mother-in-law. I won’t even get into what kind of strain that put-on family relationships.

As for me, I felt almost a relieve. Dad returned home with his new wife and took back control of the restaurant. That was ok until I was told that I no longer would be part owner of the place. My name had been added after the death of my mother and now my name was being removed to be replaced by dad’s new wife. I have to tell you it hurt. For over a year I believed I  had held him up and kept the restaurant from going under, without so much as a hand shake, now I was out. Things went from bad to worse from there. Until by the time I moved south to work on a nuke plant my dad and I barely spoke to one another. And for years it went like that.

My life became a complex of moves and confusion. Alcohol, the family curse, began to take its toll on me. My father’s life changed too. The restaurant was sold eventually and soon he was settled into a community near Orlando, Florida. We saw each other briefly during the years I lived in California when he came out to visit family. We didn’t speak much. I really did not think of him as my father anymore.

Yet along the way, I became a father myself and I was a good one for a short period of time. I would think I will be a better dad than my old man. But the truth came, and it hurt, I was not. I could not do what he had. Through the struggle of raising not one but four kids and struggling with his addictions somehow, he held it together. No, he wasn’t a real-life version of ‘Father Knows Best’ but knowing first hand the demons he wrestled with,  I began to see, my father did a pretty good job. And in those bi-weekly talks we had, I wanted to ask him how.

I was blessed to visit him in Florida with my brother and sister during his extended fight with colon cancer. We finally did have those talks and he tried to assure me one day I would find the strength to conquer my demons. Looking at him then, the once bigger than life man, who had eroded to a skeletal figure. It hurt to see him. But under his fear being near death I saw he had a certain peace. I was also blessed by my siblings who packed dad’s household up and moved it to California in his last days. My sister nursing him and loving a man she also struggled to find peace with. And on his very last day, my brother had a friend of his fly to St George, Utah from San Diego and back just so I could be at his bedside when he died. Can I ever thank him enough? I will let all you answer that.

Dad died in 1995. I was still buried in my own addictions and he did not live to know me as a saved man. But as with my mom, who died so long ago, I believe I will see him in the kingdom. He made his peace with the Father, as I have and along with so many other will be there on that glorious day when: “. the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16). What a day that will be! Remember you dad and mom today, those folks who raised you, biological or not, maybe whisper a word of thanks!

Thank you, Raymond Thomas Weston, I know you are now sleeping in Christ waiting his soon coming. I will see you then!

Blessings
John
4/17/19