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I bet most of you reading this have had a boss who you either loved or hated. In my over 40 years in the construction trades, I have had a lot of them. I have to say for the most part I got along with most of them. And even the ones I could not tolerate, I did my job, shut up and stayed under the radar. But there is always that one guy who no matter how you go-a-long to get-along still finds ways to get under your skin. In my career that was, Jim ‘Big Daddy’ Rathe.

Big Daddy got his name because he resembled the actor and singer, Burl Ives. I know that name is a blast from the past and for some of you younger folks he may not even register. But back in the day he was well known and to 50’s and 60’s movie goers his best and biggest role was in a movie version of Tennessee Williams ‘Cat on a Hot, Tin Roof’. There he played the patriarch of a southern family; the Pollitt’s and he was known as Big Daddy Pollitt. The movie was a yawner for me, too stereotypical in every way, even with Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor heating up the screen. But like most folks, I could not help but love to hate Big Daddy. And Jim Rathe not only resembled Burl Ives physically, it seemed to me he studied the movie character, because he played the Big Daddy part pretty well every day of the week.

I met Big Daddy when I was working on a TVA dam resurfacing job. We were working 7/10’s (7 days a week, 10 hours a day) That was the reason I had boomed into this project for the overtime and the money it paid. It was a nasty job from the get-go, mosquitos, gnats and deer flies 10 hours a day. Along with some of the hardest reinforcing work I had done in my career. But it was made all the worst because Big Daddy was on the job and on my case.

I was never sure if it was because I was a northerner or because I was a long-haired hippy type, but it started the minute I walked onsite. I handed my referral to him at 6:00 AM, in plenty of time for a 6:30 start but it did not seem to please my boss, he said, “John Weston. It says here you are a Local 1 boy. Well, I guess up there in that local you fellas can mosey on to the job any old time. But here we like to get the jump on it. We startin’ at 6:00 you should have been here a half hour ago.” With that he was out the door saying over his shoulder, “Seein’ you is already late, grab that spool of cable yonder and let’s see if you can weave me some 20’ chockers.” That put fear in me right off the bat, I had not wove cable since my apprenticeship and I am sure Daddy guessed that, because I saw brand new store bought chockers in the gang box. He was going to test me and hope I failed. I did not and that seemed to irk him even more. From than on it was a contest. Insults and giving me every nasty job, he could think of did not chase me down the road. His constant calling me ‘long hair’ even though half the guys on the crew had longer hair, did not sway me. I hung in for the full duration of three months. I thought the day he was signing me out, then at least, he would give me a small nod of approval. He never did. In fact, as I was picking up my gear, he said, “Son, you are a sad example of an Ironworker, but then, I guess I couldn’t expect more from a scrawny, long-haired boy like you!” I knew he wanted me to take a swing at him, but I just said, “Big Daddy, someday you will live to regret you ever said that. But for now, ____ ___” I won’t write the words I used, but they were full of venom.

I have often wondered how I would have reacted to Big Daddy if I was a follower of Jesus back then. I look at it now and know that I tormented him as much as he tormented me. I thought I was being the ‘bigger man’, I mean he started it and kept on me, but the worst part of the story is a held a grudge about it for a long, long time. And in the end, I did get revenge on Big Daddy. I will tell you about that but first I want to say, I have regretted and confessed it along with my other litanies of sins.

The book of Romans says this, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. (Romans 8: 19-21)

In my life before Jesus I lived for revenge. Holding on to grudges for years. And nothing gave me more pleasure than finally giving someone their comeuppance. I never saw how holding on to that hatred, ruined my life more than theirs. And I wish I could say that today, the attitude of the verse above was how I always live. But anger and revenge still well up in me. But, all praise to God, there is a difference. I now see it for what it is and with the power of the Holy Spirit turn it over to Him who had no guile, who died saying, “Forgive them Father they know not what they do.” How big is that? How little is my puny vengeance? I can now, sometimes with effort, lay this sin at the foot of the cross. Thank you, Jesus!

As I said. I did get my revenge on Big Daddy. He came to work on a nuke plant where I was a foreman. Even though he did not work on my crew, I found ways of making his life miserable. Such a waste of time. Such a waste of energy. Too much of my life has been wasted in anger. If you are struggling with it: “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.” Peace, my friends, it is wonderful!

Blessings,
John
4/8/19

“What are you a funny guy or something?” the man across from me said. I looked at him as seriously as I could, then said in return, “I did not mean it to be funny, do I look like I am joking?” With that he was silent and seemed to be trying to assess the situation. I could see he was coming to a decision and with a couple long nods of his head, he said, “OK, partner, you seriously want me to get you into the red zone? If I do it, it is going to cost you!” With that he took a long pull off of his drink, then held the empty glass toward me. I knew that buying him a drink would be the cheapest part of the bargain we were about to make.

In May of 1980, I had moved from Denver, Colorado to Washington state. There were several nuke plants under construction in the state at the time. A few in the Pasco area and two near Elma, in the Olympic National Forest. I chose the Elma project known as Satsop or WPPSS #3 & 5. It was my plan to work these until completion. Little did I know how much disaster was awaiting the project, the state and my own life. Within a week of my arrival, Mt. St. Helens let go a massive eruption burying eastern Washington in ash. And a week later it did it again this time sending its ash over the Western portion of the state where I lived and worked.

The effect of that was devastating. Causing loss of life and in my case loss of work and pushed my already disintegrating marriage closer to the brink. But along with that it fascinated me. I was living within a few hundred miles of an active volcano and like so many others after seeing pictures of it on TV and in the newspapers, I wanted a closer look. Now I sat across from one of the people who could get me there.

After a little more negotiation, it was settled. The price was steep, but I had expected that. He had also warned me that, yes, he could get me into the red zone but once I was in, I would be on my own. Giving me directions how I could slip out without getting caught, there would be no guarantees. It bothered me little, I was willing to risk it just to get some pictures and see this cataclysm close up.

A week later he picked me up at the same bar. The ride was pretty much silent, the only conversation was more warning of the danger and more warnings of the cost if I was caught inside the zone. For my part there was a lot of head nodding. Within an hour we were approaching the restricted area. He stopped long enough for me to climb into the back seat of his Chevy Blazer. Soon I was under a tarp and other items, well hidden. The ride from there was short and except for a stop at the red zone road block there was no trouble. I was in! In another ten minutes we came to a stop and he let me out of my hiding place. With a last warning he dropped me off saying, “Fifteen minutes, no more. Don’t move beyond where we are. The road we just came in on should be traffic free. I am the only guy surveying the damage here. Back track until you see the check station then take the path on the map, I gave you. Your chances of getting caught are 50/50, but that is what you signed on for. Lastly, if you rat me out. I will make sure you pay big time.” With that he rolled up his window and headed out. Leaving me in a place that resembled another planet.

From the time I was a kid, I guess you could say I was a thrill seeker. I mean, I chose a profession where danger, injury and death were part of the job description. But that never seemed enough. I craved more. Getting involved in extreme sports such as free climbing, without ropes and hang gliding. Some folks said I was just plain crazy, and others were pretty sure I had a death wish. Looking back on it now, I think I was just trying to fill the empty void that was my life. It seems all my addictions, all my attempts at relationships and yes, even my thrill seeking was tied to the fact that there was a hole in my life, and nothing seemed to fill it. For years now that has changed.

I haven’t lost my zest for life. In fact, I am still living on the edge, but not the edge of this world. The edge of eternity. And let me tell you something, there is nothing more thrilling then living the life as a follower of Jesus Christ. The difference is, that I am no longer seeking to fill that void, He has done that. I now find that the risks I take might still mean death and there are a whole lot of people who knew the old John who say I have really gone crazy, fanatical now. And they would be right. My thrill now is leading others, lost as I once was to know Jesus. It is a full and exciting life. The Apostle Paul said it well, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20) When you take this verse on as your life statement, everything changes. Life takes on a whole new meaning. The challenges and thrills are out of this world, literally!

Sometime in 1981, I stood in that devastation, thrilling at being inside so near to that still erupting volcano. It was awesome and really expensive. Within ten minutes I was arrested. I never knew if the guy who got me in set me up. Either way, my brand-new Pentax with wide angle lens was confiscated, I never saw it again. I paid a large fine and escaped without jail because the courts were overloaded with ‘thrill seekers.’ At the time I still thought it was all worth it. Today, I am thrilled to get up in the morning. I no longer hang glide or hang off shear face, but I seek each day to do the Father’s work and there is little this side of heaven that gets me going like it does. I am now blessed to share those thrills with RuthAnn. No more voids, a full life. NO FEAR, that is what I am talking about.

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
4/5/19

The room was cold when I woke up. I knew that much but was not sure about anything else. Trying to calculate what time it was or even what day. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, no answers there. Reaching over to the table near the bed I picked up my watch, 4:41, A.M. I assumed. Pulling the thin blanket up below my chin, a feeling of dread and loneliness crept over me. It was not the first time and from my track record it would not be the last.

As I lay there, I felt tears beginning to well and I wanted to scream, “Stop. Why are you crying? Man-up!” but instead the tears came, and I began to sob uncontrollably. My life was a mess. My second marriage had ended after months of accusations and violent fighting. Drug usage which had slowed to a trickle was now becoming a torrent again. And I was soaking up the booze at a level even out of control in my eyes. Even my boss who tolerated a lot from me was starting to question my employment. I needed to get my act together, I knew it…. but.

Grabbing the pack of smokes from the same rickety table I lit one up. I was now remembering the night before and it was another night of too much booze, snorting a few lines in the bathroom of the club and then driving home completely wasted. In fact, I remembered having a bottle of whiskey next to me on the seat of the truck, taking hits off of it as I drove. How crazy is that, I thought. What a sad loser, I am! Was my next thought.

But even as I lay there, repenting my life, in the next instance the urge to wash it away, forget it all, swept over me. Was that bottle in the room somewhere? I could down just enough of it to get rid of this dread and aloneness. Where was it? Flicking on the lamp next to the bed, a pale-yellow light filled the room. And as I searched this dingy place, I now called home, I spotted the half empty bottle sitting on the old chair by the door. For a minute I was torn, I knew I should resist the urge. Let it go. Start this day as the first day of my new life! Yes, I should! But within a minute I was out of bed and grabbing the bottle with shaking hands. Just a few to stop the demons, that is all I need. Knowing deep within me that if I fed these demons just a little, they would want more and more, they always did. I was a loser, I was lost!

I hope none of you who are reading this have ever been in the place I have just described. But if you have or if you are. I do not write these words to discourage or say there is no hope.

Yes, I can truly say, that morning as I recall it now, there was no hope. I absolutely knew that. I was defeated and, in my mind, there would never be a time when I would not wake up repeating this pattern day after day. For those of you who have never experienced this depth of lostness, the only way I can accurately describe it is like living on the edge of a deep chasm. Out in the distance you can see a place full of beauty and peace but there is no road to it. The chasm is where most all your attention is held. Daily it seems you are being drawn closer and closer to it. And eventually you know there is only two choices you live each day; each moment being led into the void or you jump into it instead. That is what my life of hopelessness was like!

Don’t get me wrong. There were days when it seemed the road to that beautiful place was opening up. I could feel hopeful, but that road was being built on sand, bolstered by temporary, worldly things. Moments of passion or extasy. Or seeing the innocent joy a child showed. But soon the booze and drugs would rob me of those hopeful thoughts. Something was missing.

Jesus said it this way, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” (Matthew 7:24-27)

That is what I was missing in my life. I had no solid foundation in Jesus and in the Word of God. I know many people have been able to overcome addictions with programs or even AA, but few of those who I have talked to made it to this beautiful land without faith and believe in the higher power. That higher power if people admit it or not is Jesus Christ. For me he became the road builder. And he built it strong, through his Word. It took him years to get me to this land I saw out in the distance years ago. But he knew I needed time along that road to stop and look back at the void behind me, see it receding into the distance. Then turn to see I was ever closer to the peace of HIS land, the land of joy and eternal life.

I now live at the edge of that beautiful land. I am awaiting the soon coming of Jesus Christ. There are times when I still turn to see that chasm far distant from me and Satan calls from it saying, “You need to find that bottle you lost!” But now I am able to turn away and see the cross and the one who wants to spend eternity with a ‘loser’ like me. My friend, if today you find yourself standing at the edge of that chasm, don’t wait, get help. Seek out a Christian program or at the very least say this prayer, “Lord, Jesus, help me a sinner! Save me from this darkness and bring me to the beautiful land. Build the rock-solid road for me!” He will do it, I live to tell you, it is true!

Blessings,
John
4/3/19

Being married to a school teacher changes the way I now view the year. Most of us have four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. But I now know that teachers have school year and summer vacation, that is it. Luckily there are respites in the 10 months of school that do center around the seasons: fall break, Christmas break, and Spring break. Last week we were on Spring break along with all the teachers and kids in the local Georgia area, it was for us a time to spend catching up on all the things around the house and yard we just do not have time for while school is on. It was also a time when I ignored my computer, I decided to take a break from writing so I could spend more time with RuthAnn and enjoy the amazing weather we had. So, this morning my head is not clear, and my fingers are not flying across the keyboard. In fact, it is mornings like this that I wonder if I have anymore to share. But just as I think that the Holy Spirit gives me what I need!

Being on Spring Break has reminded me again how short our time is and how quickly time passes us by. Even though we took the luxury of ‘sleeping in’ until 6:00 or 6:30 most morning over the past week we were still up and at it by 9:00 but then the day just flew by and before you knew it, 6:00 PM. Where did the day go? In fact, as I was reading my one-year Bible readings this morning I noticed that today is the 92nd day of the year already, one quarter of 2019 is gone. It left me thinking, what have I accomplished in those days. No not worldly accomplishments. I certainly haven’t accomplished much there, and I am not that concerned about it. I am speaking of things I have done to forward the Kingdom of God. What have I done so far this year to share Jesus?

I suppose I could look here to this blog and say that I have written close to 40 blogs over the past 90 days and in those blogs, I have shared the miracles of a saved man. From alcoholic and druggie who had lost all hope and belief in God to this guy who knows God and wants to know him better each day. Sitting here reflecting; is this blog enough or should there be more. Well, here is what I found as I prayerfully searched God’s Word.

Some of you, I am sure know who Ezekiel was. A prophet of God during one of the most trying times in the Jewish nation’s history. He was called to be the ‘watchman’ of Judah. The northern kingdom of Israel was already taken in captivity. Now the southern kingdom was about to suffer the same fate. It was not without God’s warning. He sent prophets like Ezekiel to turn the people back to the one true God. But it was not just their jobs to stand on the street corner preaching, “the end is near!” No here is what God told Ezekiel, “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the people of Israel; so, hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.” (Ezekiel 3: 17-19)

Do you see the awesome and awful responsibility God gave this prophet? Do you think he calls us to do any less today? Look around us. We are in the same world that Ezekiel was mired in. A world so full of sin that the people did not even recognize it was sin anymore. Does that sound familiar? If you and I have accepted the love and mercy of Jesus Christ and are saved by HIS blood are we not just as responsible AND just as accountable for those we know are lost in this world’s wickedness and are doing nothing about it? I don’t know about you, but I think I am, and I know that means I am not being the ‘watchman’ God has called me to be!

So, the question is, how do I change that? What more can I do? The answer for me might be scary but it is pretty clear. First, I need to do this, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (2 Chronicles 7:14) I need to humble myself and turn from my sins. Then I can, like the prophets, have that open line of communication with God. No longer fear being his watchman. And the holy boldness of the Spirit will do the rest!

So today that is my prayer that when I can be humble, open and when, “… I heard the voice of the LORD saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

The days are passing quickly. We are called to be watchmen! Are you ready, Am I? Today is the day. Let us say it together, Here we are, Lord, send us!

Blessings
John
4/1/19

When I was still in addiction and just taking in the precepts of Jesus Christ, I have to admit, I was struggling. Listening to the Bible everyday as part of my ‘peace’ agreement with my wife was opening my mind to different thoughts and a whole lot of questions. One of them centered on this whole idea of the 10 Commandments.

Now as a kid, I had studied Catholic Catechism and I knew there were these rules that supposedly God himself had handed to Moses on tablets of stone. I had seen the movie with Charlton Heston. Moses with this long white beard coming down from the mountain and seeing the Israelites dancing around the golden calf, was really ticked off and threw the tablets to the ground. Later in the movie God gave him another set, that seemed important. I also knew every time I went to confession, I needed to list which one of these laws or rules I might have broken that week. My sins seemed to center around the ones where did something to hurt someone, stole something or took God’s name in vain, it was a weekly event. I would confess them, but it really meant nothing to me. Just something I had to do.

Such was the state of my understanding of God’s law when I graduated from high school. Soon though even that was lost to me. I had become a law breaker. First the failure and stigma of divorce. Soon after that my descension into drug addiction led to crime and more lawlessness. I broke what little connection I had with God and his laws. I began to hate the idea that some controlling entity could told me ‘no’ without care. As my cynical hatred grew, I lost any believe I once held and by all ways and means became an atheist. If God was this ogre who punished and did not love, why would he even exist?

With all this baggage overloading me in 2010, I began to listen to the Bible, walking 45 minutes each day with my MP3 player. Over the period of about 4 months I walked every day and I listened to the entire thing. As I finished the book of Revelation, I had kept my part of the bargain. I had done exactly what my wife had challenged me to do. Now I could quit and go back to being me. But I didn’t. I kept walking and I started over from the beginning. This time when I got to the book of Exodus, and I came to the part about the Ten Commandments, something struck me. I had a feeling about it the first time I listened but now I was sure, these commandments were not correct. Something was wrong, they did not match the ones I had repeated, ad nauseum, in Catholic Catechism classes. What was going on?

It would not let me go so I dug around and found the ‘real’ commandments in a Catholic Catechism, just as I had learned them so many years ago:

1.I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
3. Remember thou keep holy the Lord’s Day.
4. Honor thy father and thy mother.
5. Thou shall not kill.
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
7. Thou shalt not steal.
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.

If I was taught these, why were the ones in the Bible so different, even the abbreviated list I found online:

1. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2. You shall make no idols.
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
4. Keep the Sabbath day holy.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet.

I was confused. How could this book that everyone assured me was the Word of God have the wrong commandments? I wanted to just quit and say, “Who really cares? Just a bunch or stories anyway!” But I could not let it go, or maybe you could say the Holy Spirit would not let me go.

So, I began a long journey. Sometimes it was painful as I learned about Catholic history. It was evident I was taught things that were opposed to the Bible, including the Ten Commandments. As I looked further, into the New Testament, I knew it was not Jesus’ teachings, it was man, who because of pagan believes that had crept into the church, who could no longer abide in two of God’s Commandments. So, amazingly the Second Commandment was removed. Idols, statues of dead saints now became the center of worship. If I was going to believe in the book I was studying, how could I accept the idea that the very thing God had condemned over and over, the worship of idols, was now ok.

Then the fourth commandment became the third, but it no longer spoke of the same day. God had set aside a day, the seventh, to be with his creation. I saw it in the very first part of Genesis. Then again as God gave Moses the law, he said this, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates.” (Exodus 20: 8-10) It was so specific and why would it change or be change to where now we should worship on the first day? On top of that the tenth commandment now became the 9th and the 10th. My thoughts were if ALL these were written by the finger of God, why would they ever be changed?

I found myself in a dilemma of belief for the first time in years, I had to decide. I knew I could no longer go back to total disbelief, so I had to choose what to believe. In the end it was simple. If I was able to accept that man could change God’s Law, then nothing else in the Bible could be true or real. If you take someone’s heart away, they quit living. I saw, even though I was still miles from becoming a true believer, that if you took the heart of the Word of God away there was nothing left to believe. Over the next two years I chose God and His Word. I chose to believe this, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

Now years later, as the Sabbath approaches, I am blessed by God’s Commandments. All of them. They have become a joy not a burden. People can argue and they can claim but not “a jot or a tittle” will be changed. I have chosen to believe every Word that comes forth from the mouth of God, not man. So, I can say to you all with a loving heart, Happy Sabbath!

Blessings
John
3/22/19