Month: March 2019

When I was still in addiction and just taking in the precepts of Jesus Christ, I have to admit, I was struggling. Listening to the Bible everyday as part of my ‘peace’ agreement with my wife was opening my mind to different thoughts and a whole lot of questions. One of them centered on this whole idea of the 10 Commandments.

Now as a kid, I had studied Catholic Catechism and I knew there were these rules that supposedly God himself had handed to Moses on tablets of stone. I had seen the movie with Charlton Heston. Moses with this long white beard coming down from the mountain and seeing the Israelites dancing around the golden calf, was really ticked off and threw the tablets to the ground. Later in the movie God gave him another set, that seemed important. I also knew every time I went to confession, I needed to list which one of these laws or rules I might have broken that week. My sins seemed to center around the ones where did something to hurt someone, stole something or took God’s name in vain, it was a weekly event. I would confess them, but it really meant nothing to me. Just something I had to do.

Such was the state of my understanding of God’s law when I graduated from high school. Soon though even that was lost to me. I had become a law breaker. First the failure and stigma of divorce. Soon after that my descension into drug addiction led to crime and more lawlessness. I broke what little connection I had with God and his laws. I began to hate the idea that some controlling entity could told me ‘no’ without care. As my cynical hatred grew, I lost any believe I once held and by all ways and means became an atheist. If God was this ogre who punished and did not love, why would he even exist?

With all this baggage overloading me in 2010, I began to listen to the Bible, walking 45 minutes each day with my MP3 player. Over the period of about 4 months I walked every day and I listened to the entire thing. As I finished the book of Revelation, I had kept my part of the bargain. I had done exactly what my wife had challenged me to do. Now I could quit and go back to being me. But I didn’t. I kept walking and I started over from the beginning. This time when I got to the book of Exodus, and I came to the part about the Ten Commandments, something struck me. I had a feeling about it the first time I listened but now I was sure, these commandments were not correct. Something was wrong, they did not match the ones I had repeated, ad nauseum, in Catholic Catechism classes. What was going on?

It would not let me go so I dug around and found the ‘real’ commandments in a Catholic Catechism, just as I had learned them so many years ago:

1.I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before me.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
3. Remember thou keep holy the Lord’s Day.
4. Honor thy father and thy mother.
5. Thou shall not kill.
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
7. Thou shalt not steal.
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods.

If I was taught these, why were the ones in the Bible so different, even the abbreviated list I found online:

1. You shall have no other gods before Me.
2. You shall make no idols.
3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
4. Keep the Sabbath day holy.
5. Honor your father and your mother.
6. You shall not murder.
7. You shall not commit adultery.
8. You shall not steal.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
10. You shall not covet.

I was confused. How could this book that everyone assured me was the Word of God have the wrong commandments? I wanted to just quit and say, “Who really cares? Just a bunch or stories anyway!” But I could not let it go, or maybe you could say the Holy Spirit would not let me go.

So, I began a long journey. Sometimes it was painful as I learned about Catholic history. It was evident I was taught things that were opposed to the Bible, including the Ten Commandments. As I looked further, into the New Testament, I knew it was not Jesus’ teachings, it was man, who because of pagan believes that had crept into the church, who could no longer abide in two of God’s Commandments. So, amazingly the Second Commandment was removed. Idols, statues of dead saints now became the center of worship. If I was going to believe in the book I was studying, how could I accept the idea that the very thing God had condemned over and over, the worship of idols, was now ok.

Then the fourth commandment became the third, but it no longer spoke of the same day. God had set aside a day, the seventh, to be with his creation. I saw it in the very first part of Genesis. Then again as God gave Moses the law, he said this, “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates.” (Exodus 20: 8-10) It was so specific and why would it change or be change to where now we should worship on the first day? On top of that the tenth commandment now became the 9th and the 10th. My thoughts were if ALL these were written by the finger of God, why would they ever be changed?

I found myself in a dilemma of belief for the first time in years, I had to decide. I knew I could no longer go back to total disbelief, so I had to choose what to believe. In the end it was simple. If I was able to accept that man could change God’s Law, then nothing else in the Bible could be true or real. If you take someone’s heart away, they quit living. I saw, even though I was still miles from becoming a true believer, that if you took the heart of the Word of God away there was nothing left to believe. Over the next two years I chose God and His Word. I chose to believe this, “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)

Now years later, as the Sabbath approaches, I am blessed by God’s Commandments. All of them. They have become a joy not a burden. People can argue and they can claim but not “a jot or a tittle” will be changed. I have chosen to believe every Word that comes forth from the mouth of God, not man. So, I can say to you all with a loving heart, Happy Sabbath!

Blessings
John
3/22/19

“I liked that movie!” my friend said as we left the old theater on the corner of Main and First Streets in the small town, I was now living in. I nodded my head in agreement but was distracted by a group of people across the street who were talking loudly. They seemed to be surrounding two men and from my vantage point it looked like they were duking it out.

I could not resist heading over to see what was happening, but my friend was tugging on my arm trying to lead me to Froggy’s Tavern, a bar and restaurant that we frequented. As much as I needed a cold beer, I was more drawn to the brawl.

My friend gave up his efforts to steer me and headed toward the bar, shaking his head in disbelieve. “Why would anyone want to bother with a small-time brawl in this little town, probably a couple of farmers arguing over a corn shucking contest.” Is what he said while walking away. Being a big city boy, he had little respect or love for small town USA. I on the other hand did have my big city roots also but had lived and worked in small towns for years. I knew fights on the main street in town were rare. Something out of the ordinary was happening.

As I crossed the street, I saw the only police car the town owned coming from the south up First, lights flashing and siren blaring. I was not the only one who was interested in this disturbance. I reached the crowd before the cops but could see some of the citizens did not want to be here when they arrived and the circle around the combatants shrunk enough for me to be within an arms distance of the action. To my amazement as I looked on, I saw one of the men was a guy who worked for me. I did not know him all that well but from everything I did know, he was even tempered and quiet. What the heck was Kevin Gridley doing throwing punches with what looked like a local? I did not have time to find out before the cops showed up.

A big burly cop broke the fight up, jumping between the two men. He had hands like catcher’s mitts and simply grabbed each by the shirts and held them an arm’s length apart. As he did his partner called for the crowd to disperse. I was about to do so when I heard Kevin yell, “John. John Weston is that you? Hey, man help me out here. I think I am going to need some bail money, do me a solid and come to the station.”

I turned to look at him, still being man-handled by the enormous cop, he looked so pathetic. I knew that my friend had been right, I should have minded my own business. If I had gone with him, I would be elbows deep in shots and beer by now. But instead, I had no choice, this guy was a brother Ironworker and a member of my crew, I needed to have his back.

I ended up going to the station where I was told Kevin would be booked and spend the night. If I wanted to bail him out, I should go see the bail bondsman over on Third and get a bail slip, then come back around 9:00 in the morning. I did as he told me and even called my boss to tell him what had happened and that I would not be into work until late.

In the morning I went through the hassle of getting is bail set and after appearing before the JOP, Kevin met me out in front of the station. I thought he would tell me the whole story, he owed me that at least. But all he would say is, “That man cursed my God!” I said with a bunch of frustration and misunderstanding, “What are you talking about? You work with guys, including me who curse all day long. Why was this guy so different?” Kevin stopped and as he did so did I, looking at me with blazing eyes he said, “You don’t get it. I was on the sidewalk passing out Bible tracks when this man came out the door and said, “If you don’t stop spreading those lies in front of my place, I am going to beat you, bad!” Then he took one of my tracks and spit on it and threw it in my face while cursing God’s name. I didn’t react more than to smile and try to say that God loved him anyway. That is when he threw a punch. I tried to walk away but…. Well…. I wish I could have.” I shook my head and said, “Man, why do you Christians do this stuff? Can’t you see the trouble it causes?” He spoke what I now know is a verse from the Bible, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) That day I just shook my head and yelled over my shoulder, “Yeah well, be at work and earn the money you owe. Overcome that and leave Jesus at home!”

I did not understand Kevin back then. He seemed like some fanatic nut who spent all his days passing out syrupy sayings that I knew no one believed. But I now see how necessary it is for us to spread the Word of God in any way we can. Around us every day there is a world in need of salvation. Yes, there will be tribulation in spreading that Word, but think of the tribulation Christ suffered for you and suffered for me. Through the cross he truly has already overcome this world, all he asks us to do is, believe and once we do go out and share his good news! “… I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. (Philemon 1:6) I want to accept and share Christ today no matter the consequences.

Kevin returned to passing out Bible tracks, he continued to work for me and paid me back every dime, with much gratitude and humility. Guys in my crew began calling him Saint, short for Saint Kevin. Even with all the ribbing he would seek me out at the end of the day and say, “Blessings and you are in my prayers!” Not a lot more and I would shrug and said to him once, “Pray I have enough money and luck to be the last man standing in the poker game tonight!” His return stuck with me, “I think it would be better if you were standing in the resurrection of the Righteous.” I laughed and scoffed at it back then, but now it is my prayer too, for me and for you!

Blessings
John
3/20/19

The deal was for a ‘key’ of crystalline crank, what a lot of the speed freaks were now calling ‘meth’. I had agreed to be at the meet because I was into my dealer for over two thousand dollars. He now owned me and I knew it.

As we sat in his Vette, he was smoking Swisher Sweet cigars which smelled like oily rags to me. I could tell he was nervous but I tried to hold it together, even though I knew the danger I was in. Scanning the parking lot, I thought to myself, “This is it, if you meet with the source, these guys will never let you out of their sight.” Life as I knew it was over. I had sold myself for six months of partying.

I heard the rustle of his leather jacket and saw that Jet, one of his many aliases, was digging out an amber colored vial. Opening it he scooped out a blast of meth with a coke spoon and snorted it. Turning to me he said, “Here ya go, John Boy, see there are benefits of riding shotgun!” He offered me a spoonful and I sucked it down. “Yeah, brother, we are family now. But when these guys show up, lay back and let me do all the talking. If they ask you anything just nod and point to me. It is better that way for you and for me.” I had no problem with this, the last thing I wanted right now was to be noticed.

I reached in my pocket and lit up a cigarette. I could see that my hand was shaking, some from the situation mainly because the crank hit me hard with ‘rushes’ and I really needed a drink to even out. “Why didn’t I bring a bottle?” I thought. Leaning my head back and closing my eyes I tried to understand how I had gotten here. Only a year ago I had been married, it was not a good marriage but I had my son in my life every day! Now after a war-torn divorce, my addictions were out of control. I had seen my son less and less. I was about to become a drug dealer. My life was in the tank, and the problem was I did not seem to care.

Addictions, some of us wear them like a badge. Others try to hide them and still others refuse to even admit they exist. In this sin worn world every one of us struggle with some form of them, if we want to admit it or not.

After much prayer, I have chosen to share my history with addiction in this blog. Not to boast, heaven forbid. But to open a door that maybe some of you who read this do not want open. I do it because I know who is waiting on the other side of that door, Jesus Christ. And He is the only one who can help us when we are ready to admit our struggles and are willing to turn them over to Him.

Addiction, I think is a word that most people associate with people like myself, strung out on drugs. Seeking that next drink. Substance abusers. And, of course that is very true, we are addicts. But I have come to see that addictions run much deeper. The definition that I give it these days is: “Anything that we become obsessed with other than God.” What is it each day that you feel you cannot live without? Maybe it is that cup of coffee. That reality show. That piece of cake. Or maybe, as unlikely as it seems, it is that good work you seek to do and have become obsessed with. Simple things that in themselves are harmless, until they become more important than your or my daily walk with the Savior.

The apostle Paul wrote this powerful verse, “I have the right to do anything,” you say- but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything” – but I will not be mastered by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) We have the right of free choice, it is a God given right. But not every choice we will make today will be beneficial. And if we are being mastered by our addictive choices and they are controlling us than we will find ourselves farther from God. It always works that way.

Jesus through the cross offers us a better reality. The amazing thing is that no matter how far that addiction takes us away from Him, “He has now reconciled you in His body of flesh by His death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him.” (Colossians 1:22) Can you wrap your mind around this? If we are willing to surrender our struggle with whatever it is over to Him. He has already dealt with the sin involved. You are without reproach and can have the holiness He seeks for you and me. But He cannot do that if you are not willing.

I came to Jesus still deep in my addictions. I was arrogant and unbelieving. But as I began to see in His Word the love He had for me, a sinner and still unrepentant. I came across these words, “But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Jesus died for us.” (Romans 5:8) That was a reality I could not resist. It did not happen all at once but slowly I saw in the light of that love I had found the truth that was deeper than my addictions and in 2010 I took my last drink.

I wish I could say all my ‘addictions’ have melted away, not true. But the closer I draw to Jesus, the more I see things that are keeping me from the holiness he wants for me. It is amazing what He will show you once you open that door. But be assured you will never have to do it alone, He will be with you every step of the way!

That drug deal went down. My life did change for the worse. I began a separation with my son that has not healed to this day. Eventually I had to leave the state I was in and hide out in another to keep from being swept up in a huge sting that brought down most of the people I was dealing with. Friends put me abroad a plane and paid for the ticket. I look at it as God’s grace. The pain of all of this is still real to me. I choose to share praying one person might read this and find hope for themselves. It is my prayer today you will, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) There is nothing you have done, He cannot forgive. I am living proof. May you be also.

Blessings John

3/18/19

People love to ask, “What is your favorite ________?” You can fill in the blank. Over the years I have been asked about anything from favorite color to favorite exotic animal. A lot of the time I can only scratch my head and shrug. It is not that I do not have favorites. You can ask RuthAnn, I am loaded up with them. I think sometimes she is confounded because I have so many. It is just that on certain matters I have no opinion, especially when it comes to things I am not interested in. In my life BAC (Before Accepting Christ) most of that lack of interest had to do with anything I considered religious.

It is not that I didn’t have knowledge of the Christian world. I mean, I was raised in a Christian home and I did attend Christian schools all the way through high school. It was just that by my mid 20’s when my addictions took firm hold of my life, I wanted nothing to do with discussions about my ‘favorite’ Bible verses or Christian songs. Yet I was always running into people, even in the low life bars where I hung around who wanted to do just that.

Jimmy was one of those people. I drank with him many nights sitting at the end of the bar most of the time watching the ‘Showtime Lakers’. Magic Johnson and Kareem playing the game I loved at a level I could only watch in awe. Jimmy had been a fixture in the San Fernando Road bars for years. He was an aficionado on just about everything. When it came to basketball, he remembered when the Lakers moved from Minneapolis to LA and would talk about his favorite players from the last 20 years. Challenging me to argue against his knowledge and when it came to basketball and the Lakers, well I was pretty much up to the challenge.

Other nights he would expound on his favorite foods. Once being a merchant marine, he had eaten foods from around the world. I could not compete with his knowledge, even though I had much cooking experience myself. My favorite foods seemed weak to him, he would say, “Your favorite food is Lasagna? Come on, boyo, half the country says that, don’t you have a better palette then that?” My response would be a shrug and seek a way to change the conversation. Jimmy had a lot of knowledge. History, geography and then there was religion.

What I haven’t told you is that Jimmy was an Anglican Minister and was the pastor of a church in the heart of San Fernando, California. After a rough and tumble life at sea, he had returned to his native state without a clue of his future. As he told the story, one day he was sitting on a bench waiting for a bus when he looked up there was a church and by the power of God he was drawn to that place. Without thinking the next thing, he knew he was sitting in a pew, tears running down his face. Jimmy had an epiphany, he knew he was called to serve God as a minister. So, at almost 50 years old, he entered the seminary and now he was, in his words, ‘a man of God.’

Along with that and because of his struggle and winning his battle with ‘demon rum’, Jimmy believed his other calling was to ‘save’ the sots who frequented the 10 or so bars along this stretch of San Fernando Road. Hence his sitting next to me many a night. As he would sip on a cup of black coffee or a seltzer water, I would slug down one whiskey and coke after another. He never preached or berated. What he would do is be into challenging me about my favorite memory or something and then immediately ask, “Now, how about your favorite Bible verse?” He was pretty sneaky about it and I would have to shake my head and say something like this, “Ahhh, Jimmy, I aint drunk enough for you to pull that one on me. I have said this before, and I will say it again. My favorite Bible verse is, “God loves those who love themselves.” He would smile, “John, boyo, you know better than that, that is not in the Book. But here is one that is,…..” Then he would quote a verse that had something to do with God’s love. God’s love for the sinner. God’s love for the lost. He never minded when I would hurriedly change the subject. Now I know why.

I never asked him but I think and now believe myself that God’s Word is what the Book of Hebrews says it is, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. For the word of God is living and active.” (Hebrews 4:12) I have seen for years now that many of those ‘favorite’ verses that Jimmy added to our conversation have come back to me in ways that have sliced through the man I used to be. Those very verses have been a part of my transformation. And even if I thought, at the time, I was not listening. They were implanted in me, seeds waiting to sprout once Jesus, the Water of Life was poured on to them.

Today before I leave, I want to share just a few of the maybe 100 or more ‘favorites’ Jimmy shared with me in his wonderfully sneaky way. Just a note before I do. Jimmy went to his rest before I left LA. I was no longer drinking in that bar but still heard he had a major heart attack and died. From what I was told more than half the drunks from San Fernando Road were at his funeral and a bunch of them had been attending his church. Jimmy did what I wish to do, share not my mumblings but His saving words. I pray one of these are the word you needed to hear or read today, courtesy of Jimmy’s favorites list:

“For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” (Romans 5:6)

“He will swallow up death for all time, And the Lord GOD will wipe tears away from all faces, And He will remove the reproach of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken.” (Isaiah 25:8)

“But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)
Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
3/15/19