Month: October 2018

As of October 3, I have been sober 8 years! I didn’t remember the anniversary. RuthAnn came home from work and handed me a card, not telling me what it was for. I figured it was an ‘I love you’ card, she has given those to me before. As I read it I was confused, it spoke of an anniversary and she had written a note speaking of my sobriety, but no lights went on in my head. Finally, she had to remind me that I had told her the story of my last drink and I understood. As I stood reading the card, memories of how that miracle happened washed over me. The story is simple, yet still miraculous to me.

In early October of 2010, my wife and I decided to relive the old days, take a cross country train trip. Booking a route from Klamath Falls, Oregon to Denver, Colorado, it seemed like a fun vacation. Reality was not as perfect as the memory of train trips past.

We boarded at Klamath Falls late, around 10:00 pm, being directed to our ‘sleeper’ we dragged our luggage into a cramped room with bunk style beds already dropped into position for sleep. It felt cold but both of us being tired immediately retired, I in the upper and Dianne in the lower. It did not take me long to notice that the upper vent was stuck in an open position and cold air was streaming in. The bunk only had a thin blanket, I was freezing. Throughout the night, I continually drug clothes out of my suitcase trying to protect myself from the draft but to little avail. And as we were nearing Sacramento, I gave up and packed readying our leaving this train and transferring to the east bound for Denver.

Our trip continued on in a similar manner. Long lay over in Sacramento, another worn ‘sleeper’ on the east bound train, cramped and not that clean of bathroom facilities, the list goes on and on. Even as the beautiful scenery of the Sierras past by the windows, our dream of a luxury rail trip faded quickly. So, I resorted to that sure-fire cure, I looked for the club car and maybe 5 or 6 stiff drinks.

By this time in 2010, I had been reading or listening to the Bible for over 10 months. I had attended church a few times, and I know my life was changing. But I had no hopes that I could overcome my alcohol addictions, that was just to engrained in my life. And even as I had begun to pray daily, my prayers about this seemed feeble. I had gone to sneak drinking, hiding wine and booze in the shed, sneaking out and drinking by the gulps then coming back in the house as if I was perfectly sober. But I was fooling no one but me. On this vacation it had been agreed that drinking in moderation was ok, but my moderation and others seemed to be quite different.

So, as we headed east, I drank during the day and had wine with supper at night, but it was not the same for some reason. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I drank just the same. Finally, we arrived in Denver and checked in at the hotel. We were staying for two days then catching the westbound back home. That night was October 3rd. We had found a café in which to dine and I ordered a dark beer with my supper as I finished it again I had a feeling that unsettled me, but I certainly did not know it would be the last alcoholic drink I would order for the rest of my life.

We enjoyed Denver and headed home on October 5th. On the train, I would head to the club car but always ended up drinking a soft drink. The wine at dinner did not interest me. It was so strange. My wife actually ordered wine, but I refused. Something had changed inside me and like when my foul language had been removed by the Lord, I did not see it. Others did but I was the last to know. The miracle was so subtle and so kindly done, I was freed of alcohol addiction by His power and it still is mysterious to me today.

I, unlike some of my faith persuasion, do not believe alcohol is evil. And I have known true men and women of God who could drink it with control and I guess, enjoyment. But that would never be the case for me. Alcohol was a stumbling block, that had destroyed my life and the lives of many I came in contact with. And as I was coming to the Lord, I knew I had no power to control it or keep it from corrupting my walk with Him. But I had read something in God’s Word that if I had not yet truly believed, I hoped in, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12: 9-10) I was weak, and I had admitted, powerless in the face of alcohol addiction and he gave me power through my weakness to overcome something I could not. In him I found the strength even before I knew it. How cool is that?

I have been sober for 8 years now. I am not saying there have not been times when the temptation to drink again has almost overwhelmed me. But it is the ‘almost’ I give thanks for, I have never surrendered. Because today I know, no matter how strong the urge, I know He is stronger. Today, I am lifting a prayer for those who have not yet found victory, “Lord God, please strengthen those bound by alcohols chains and release them, as you released me. Because you are strong in our weakness! I trust in you who loved each one of us, even onto death.” Can I get an amen?

Blessings
John
10/15/18

It is Friday again. Time seems to fly by and there is no way to slow it down. I am sure everyone who is over 50 feels this way. My problem is that I have a hard time remembering some of the things I felt when I was that age due to being in an alcohol haze. For sure the last fifteen years have past as if it were months not years.

I was sitting here as I began to write trying to remember just where I was 15 years ago. I had to stop and really think. Have you ever tried this? Just think where and what you were doing, pick any year back from now. First of all, what year would that be? So, through simple math, take 15 away from 2018 equals 2003. Ok, now I know the year and I have a pretty good idea where I was living at the time, Tracy, California. I also know that I was in my second year working at Harris Rebar, I guess it was called Harris-Salinas Rebar back then. But from there it is hard to fill in the blanks for 2003.

But there is one memory from 2004 that I remember crystal clear, maybe because it was so bizarre to me at the time! I do know that in 2002 when I moved from Las Vegas to the Bay area I brought the fifth wheel trailer I had been living in with me. I first set it up in a RV park close to Modesto, California but that was a long drive to work in Livermore. So, I found a park in Tracy and moved there either in late 2002 or early 2003. My wife was still living in Grants Pass, we had lived separately for a few years. But now we had committed to reunite. But the one thing she demanded was a better trailer. So, the search was on.

There was a particular type of trailer that we wanted, it is called a ‘park model’. These are medium size mobile homes that are easier to move than a standard but have more room than a RV. We looked high and low in the bay area and there were none to be found. So, on a whim we resorted to eBay and sure enough there was one and it was exactly what we were looking for, only one problem. It was in Colorado.

The price was right, but we could not afford a professional hauler to bring it from Colorado to California, that would cost almost as much as the trailer. One day while we were discussing it our neighbor who lived in a 5th wheel next to us dropped by. As we described our dilemma he did something that amazed both of us, he volunteered to drive to Colorado and pick up the trailer and bring it back, with me along as copilot. I was stunned to say the least. Why would anyone volunteer to do such a thing? His answer was simple, it was the right and Christian thing to do.

I had known that he was a Christian, he had talked about his beliefs but had never made a point of adding it to his conversations. I had noticed that he had been helpful to quite a few folks in the park, giving rides to others when needed and even buying food for an elderly lady in the next row over. But in my mind, those were easy things to do. But this, driving his truck over 1,200 miles one way and returning all in one weekend. I was skeptical. What was the catch? What did he want? I offered to pay him for wear and tear on his truck, above and beyond the normal expenses but he refused. He just wanted to do a simple act of kindness.

Simple acts of kindness. How often are we in a position to do such things and are either to busy or to self-absorbed to do them. It is my belief that it is not in our nature to be kind, or at least it was not in mine. That is where the Holy Spirit comes in, His gifts include kindness according to the apostle Paul, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”. (Galatians 5:22-23) When we are filled with the Spirit, all of the fruit he seeks to bring into our life come so much more naturally. It is not hard to understand when our lives are centered on Jesus and His unselfish love, these fruits will flow from us too. We will “walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us…” (Ephesians 5:2)

Our friend was as good as his word. He and I left Tracy on a Friday and drove all night, arriving in a little town outside of Denver around noon on Saturday. We picked up the trailer and without stopping except for food and gas breaks made it back home by Sunday afternoon. After positioning the trailer for us, he left quietly without waiting for thanks or pats on the back. The terrible part of the story is a few years after this, he was in need and came to me asking for $500.00. I had the money and it would be no problem to give it, but I rebuked him and reminded him at he did not want money for helping us. He tried to tell me one thing had nothing to do with the other, but I was not about to give him the money with the kindness he had shown me in my time of need. I now regret that and pray for his forgiveness. And even as my memory is not as good as it once was, my heart has been changed by the power of the Holy Spirit, may I be open to offer any kindness I can without recourse and in love. That is my Friday prayer for us all.

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
10/12/18

As a powerful hurricane bears down on the panhandle of Florida, again threatening lives and livelihoods both there and later here in mid Georgia; I am struck once again with the fragility of life. In my travels I have lived through many devastating natural disasters. At least two California earthquakes, hurricanes both here and in Florida. I was born in tornado country and while living in southern Indiana had two tornados rip through the trailer court where I lived. White out snow and ice storms so heavy it brought down trees. The scorching heat of the southwest deserts and the brutal cold of Upper Michigan winters. But nothing compares to living in Washington state before and after the eruption of Mount St Helens.

When I made my way from Denver to Olympia, Washington, I understood there was a volcanic mountain which had a chance to erupt, but I had paid little attention to it. Once arriving, all of that changed. It was on the front page of every newspaper, it was the headlining story on every newscast and for sure, it was the topic in every bar and restaurant I frequented. There were daily reports of the dome that was building once the initial magma reaches the surface. Stories of evacuations and the crazily heroic stories of Harry Truman, the caretaker of the Spirit Lake Lodge, who even being in the certain path of an eruption refused to evacuate. All of it was very surreal to me.

No more than a week after I arrived on May 18, 1980 the volcano erupted with the force of 26 megaton bombs, sending cataclysmic results eastward. Killing 56 people, including Harry Truman. Causing floods and destruction. Also sending a plume of ash 6500 feet in the air, with up to five inches of the stuff burying Yakima, Washington. The television coverage was unreal and like the rest of the world I watched fascinated. But the crazy thing was it really had no effect on my life except in minor ways, that was until around a week later when another eruption sent up a plume of ash again, but this time the prevailing winds brought it westward. Soon ash was falling like snow in the Olympia area. It also covered the jobsite where I was working, causing a tower crane to collapse under the extreme weight of it. It was a blessing and a curse. A blessing because no one was hurt, but a curse because we were all out of work for ten days and I was broke.

My memories of those days are filled with confusion and awe but mostly of fear. With ash falling from the sky there was almost an apocalyptic feeling that pervaded everything. Automobile traffic stopped. Airplanes did not fly. People walked around with masks, protecting themselves from the ash which was full of glassine particles that could damage the lungs. If you did walk outside the ash stirred around your feet, reminding me of pictures from the lunar landing. It felt like the end of the world and for some it was.

We now live in a world where natural disasters are on the rise and the environment is out of control. If you believe in global warming or not it is evident that our world cannot survive for much longer. To some the solution is trying to reach into the universe for another planet to live on. More and more private companies are entering into space exploration. For some it is cryogenics, the idea of freezing their bodies until a ‘new age’ dawns with solutions to all of our problems. For me none of these things are in my future, because I know until Jesus comes again, this world is not my home.

The prophetic book Revelation promise us this about our dying planet and our future: Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth, “for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelations 21: 1-4) For me all the signs are in place, Jesus is coming soon and I have no need to fear, but I also have to time to waste.

We have been given a job as Christians, “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28: 18-20) So if we see the signs around us both natural and the total planet turmoil we are in, it is not my or your job to track every earthquake or note every disaster, but to be about our Father’s business, with hope and faith in Jesus Christ. No fear, spreading the Good News, that’s what I want to do!

I did lived through the eruption of Mount St. Helens, first hand. Experiencing the power and also the devastation of that natural event. It did make me think of the end of the world, but at that time I had no hope for a better world and a God and Savior who wanted me to be there with them. Today I trust in that and seek to share the hope it gives me. I am praying today, you will see the signs around you and not be a fatalist or put your hope in things of this world. Hope in him who has already conquered this world. He is the way, the truth and the life. No cryogenic icebox for me when I die, I have a mansion waiting in the New Jerusalem. There is room there for all.

Blessings, John
10/10/18

“Just another day in paradise!” I said as I came down from the smoke stack we were working on. The stack had reached nearly 700’ of its topping out height of somewhere near 1200’, so we were over half way there. I was not sure I was going to be here for the topping off party, graveyard shift was not my thing and even if the money was good, it might be time to drag-up.

When the elevator reached the ground, day shift late arrivals were waiting anxiously to get aboard, I was pushing my way out of the car when I heard someone say, “John, hey John-boy!” Then I heard grumbled swear words spoken in Finnish. I couldn’t believe my ears, that had to be Toivo Makinen, but what was he doing in Pennsylvania? As I turned around, sure enough there was the man who had been my first foreman as a Rodbuster. His work belt still slung down below his bulbous gut and his red nose lit up like it was Christmas. He was waving his hand and grinning a toothless grin. No doubt about it, Toivo was outside the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I had to hear this story.

As I cut through the guys heading in the other direction I finally made my way to him and as soon as I was in arms reach was in a bear hug so tight, I felt my eyeballs bulging. After more good-natured swearing and back-slapping I was able to get him at arms-length long enough to ask the obvious question, “What are you doing so far from the happy hunting grounds?” But he didn’t answer me directly just said, “I got to get on that elevator, boyka! I am staying at the “Long Tree” down by the river, quickly giving me an address. Come by this evening before you go on shift and we will catch up, for sure!” With that he hauled his massive body into the car just as the door was closing. I watched as he headed up, shaking my head in disbelieve, I headed to my truck.

Toivo Makinen was a living legend. I had heard stories about him before I was sent out to the job where he had been boss for the last couple of years and I was terrified to be working for him. As soon as I arrived on site with my brand-new work belt, he was on me before I even showed him my ticket from the Union Hall. Swearing up a storm in both English and Finnish then right in my face, “Don’t be worrying about those shiny new tools you have there, boyka, won’t be needing them where you be working. Stand over by that pile of rods until I come get you, I need to talk to these Ironworkers over here.” With that he turned and yelled orders to his crew. I knew I would have to work my way to being included in that group. I was right it would be months before I would strap on my belt. Tiovo was loud and he was as mean as he talked, but he taught me more in 6 months then I could have learned in years. When I left that job I was a Rodbuster in his eyes and that was good enough for me.

When I drove by his place that afternoon and stood knocking on his door, there was no answer at first. Then I heard him growl, “Ok, Ok, I am coming! And when the door flew open, I saw something I was not expecting, Tiovo was hooked up to a machine and I could see what I hadn’t in the morning. He looked pale and sick. As we talked I learned he was on dialysis and was here waiting for a kidney transplant. The more he talked the more dumbfounded I became. This bigger than life man was human after all.

I sometimes in the morning when I am not quite awake yet; for a few moments, I feel like a young man again, maybe I am dreaming about working and being so strong and healthy. But then I wake and reality as the years of abuse, cancer, and its treatments have taken their toll. Don’t get me wrong, I am the most blessed man I know. Over 12 years a cancer survivor, still able to do just about anything I want but I get so much more tired than I used to. Life is fragile, and it is short. But what I have come to realize is that it is not the time you have left but how you fill each minute that counts.

I like these verses from the book of Ephesians because they remind me not to waste time, “So be very careful how you live. Do not live like those who are not wise but live wisely. Use every chance you have for doing good, because these are evil times. So, do not be foolish but learn what the Lord wants you to do.” (Ephesians 5: 15-17) Times are evil that is for sure and we have the choice to add to the evil or work for the Lord! In truth all of our times are short. I believe Jesus is coming soon and no matter if it is today or a hundred years from now, if we allow the Holy Spirit to use us like each minute is our last, we will be doing God’s will and that is what I want to be doing!

Tiovo never was able to get a kidney replacement and soon after I left him, still working on that jobsite, I heard he was rushed to the hospital and passed away. It was hard for me to imagine that strong man gone. But I look back on it now I know that was one of the first times I thought about how short life is. It did not change my lifestyle and I soon was sliding down the slippery slope of addiction. But with God’s grace, I now have a chance to do His will in whatever time I have. Death isn’t the problem its living we need help with. I trust in the Holy Spirit, how about you?

Blessings and Happy Sabbath,
John
10/5/18