No one was left, just the two of us. I was not sure when the afterhours crowd had left but it must have been some time ago. Maybe I had passed out or just gotten so high that I had lost track of time. Now I sat with Jamie wondering if the same thing had happened to her or if she had wanted to talk to me about something.
I decided to wait her out without saying a thing. My head was leaned back, and my eyes were closed. I could feel her next to me and heard her breathing. Finally, she said, “John. Hey, John are you awake?” Come on man, I know you are just fakin’ it!” I nodded but did not open my eyes, not sure I wanted to get into some heavy conversation with Jamie at 3:00 in the morning. I knew there was no escape but maybe I could avoid it a little longer.
She pushed on my shoulder and said, “I just want to talk for a few minutes, this won’t take that long. Then I will get out of your hair.” Finally, I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was a pretty girl, but the years of drug use was wearing on her youthful looks, I was sure it was not doing me any good either. I said it a sleepy voice, “What can be so important, that you hang around my place until everyone is gone? It is 3:00 in the morning and I was thinking about crashing for a few hours before dawn.” She looked a little hurt by my tone and attitude, so I continued, “Hey Jamie, just tell me what is going on. I’m listening. With that I closed my eyes again. I could hear her short breathes. Was she crying?
As her silent sobbing continued, I was tempted to open my eyes and try to console her then she stuttered, “Pauly is your friend, right?” I nodded. She was talking about the man at the moment who was probably my best friend. She continued, hesitantly, “Well, …. I mean….” Silence. I waited. “Ok!” Now there was determination in her voice, “John, I need you to do something and only you can do it.” That made me open my eyes and sit up. Without giving me a chance to speak, she blurted out, “I am pregnant, and I would like you to take me to the clinic for an abortion!”
I shook my head quickly, as if to clear the cobwebs, “What are you talking about? Abortion? Me, take you? Jamie, we never did anything….” The last words hung out there like a mist. But as I looked into her eyes, it all came clear. Pauly, it was all about my partner Pauly. I said dumbly, “You and Pauly?” She sadly shook her head, then said, “I can’t let him know. But he always says you are the guy who would do anything for him. So, you were the first person I thought about when I decided not to keep the baby.” All I could think was, “Thanks a lot partner. Look at the mess you dragged me into.” I lowered my head back into the couch cushion, rubbing my eyes with both hands, saying, “Listen, Jamie. You need to tell Pauly. You guys need to work this out. I am willing to go with you. In fact, I am willing to wake him up right now and get this settled. But I cannot do a thing like this behind his back. I don’t know why you would think I would.” Now she sobbed uncontrollably, and I put my arm around her. She cried, and I finally whispered, “There is a baby here.” Patting her stomach. “Don’t you think you need to think about its life?” She pulled away and with fire suddenly in her eyes, she said, “That is exactly who I am thinking about. John, I know all of you think I am just a coke whore. But the truth is I haven’t done any drugs in the last two months. I want this baby. But I can’t raise it alone!” Then I knew, Jamie had no intentions of getting an abortion. She was here to seek my ability to strong arm and reason with the pig-headed Pauly.
When I lived in the sub culture of drugs and alcohol, at least back in the ‘me decade’ of the 1980’s, life was pretty raw. Sex, drugs and rock and roll were certainly the way each of us viewed the world. I have spoken so many times in this blog about how there was no moral center in that world. All of us were making decisions, life altering and sometimes life destroying decisions while under the influence of powerful substances. Our entire reckoning was judged from ‘self’. And when that is the center of all judgement than all results will be devastating. I can testify in my life they were.
I know the world today is not in a better place. Drugs and mind-altering substances still permeate our culture and we seek to ‘cure’ these issues with physics and psychology, but it will never work. As long as we are looking for man-made answers, we are going to find only more pain and more suffering. But there is a way. The God-man who walked through this world 2000 years ago healing the impossible and His power to do so still exists today. I know because I am one of His miracles.
I am not saying seeking help and support for addictions and depression is wrong. But if you are please seek a Christian based program. At the end of this blog I will list a few webpages to look at. But if you are reading this today and your life is at a critical point or even if you are just overwhelmed, there is immediate help in God’s Word. Here is what Jesus promised, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. (Matthew 7: 7-8) Seek him first and all other things will be given, don’t wait!
I did not have a testimony to share with Pauly and Jamie. I tried to reason with both, but my words were useless. Jamie did have an abortion and her life spiraled into more drugs and more pain. She married an abusive guy and I lost track of her. Pauly blamed me for most of it and we; our friendship in anger. I feel sad I had nothing to offer but empty words back then. Today I have the Savior of the world to offer you, He is waiting!
Happy Sabbath and Blessings,
John
12/21/18
A few good links for addictions and depression:
Home
https://nedleyhealthsolutions.com
